It feels so wrong to be here, far away. I should be home saying good-bye to Mommy Lola. It has not sunk in yet. I fear that when I come back home and she's not where my heart expects her to be, only then will it dawn to me, and I will be mourning alone, because everybody has moved on. I cannot even mourn properly here. I have a show going on as I am writing this. And suddenly I realize that when I have fulfilled my dreams, she would not be there. It is quite bad, because she was part of it. I have dreamt of asking her where she wanted to go and taking her there. It was in my bucket list. But it will not happen anymore. Never again. In my relatively young life I am just discovering that dreams do not matter much to me without the people I love to share it with. She was one of the reasons I wanted to hurry. I wanted her to see my dreams come to life. I cannot help thinking she went too early. Her vital signs were all right. I had to ask my brother, "Was it confirmed already?" when the news reached me. Her latest photos were full of life. She had just celebrated her birthday. She was still quite strong. She stood as a parent in crucial times in my and my brothers' lives. Until now I never dared to recount the sacrifices she had made for us. How can I ever repay them now? Even when I was at the university she would visit me and stay with me for the night. All these times that I'm abroad she would make it a point that I speak to her when I call home. How grateful I am with my aunt when she insisted that I have a chat with Mommy Lola over skype when she was sick. It turned out to be the last. Even if we barely saw each other in the last few years of her life, I hope that she is happy with the legacy she left in me which I carry wherever I go, now that she can see it fully. I am a foreigner in a strange land. But her memory will always be a shelter and an anchor for my soul. Wherever I am I will always know where to go back to. Thank you for your life and your love, Mommy Lola. Farewell.